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2/11/2005
We don't need no water, let the motherfucker burn... Wow haven't blogged in a LONG ass time. I'm not about to say that'll change. But last night is, I suppose, on some level, blogworthy. Last night, the idiot whore who lives upstairs from us caught her apartment on fire. Now, people set fires all the time, and they don't deserve to be called idiots. This one does. She spilled some spoiled milk all over her kithen (Which is just a lovely thought...especially since this whore leaves her trash outside on her fucking porch, where we get to breathe it in all the time...the whore is just nasty) and to clean up the smell (I'd have used fabreze, but that's not a danger to my neighbors, so I can see why she didn't.) She lit a stick of insense. Hey ya know, I don't smoke pot or believe in the ju-ju gods, but I guess there's a good excuse for insense. I bought some once, thinking I'd start burning it...until I realized it all smelled like cheap purfume until you burn it, where it then smells like smoke and cheap purfume. BUT again, who am I to judge. And since whoring yourself around apparently don't pay like it should, she couldn't afford one of them nifty five dollar insence holder things. So she stuck it. In the pot of a plant she had nearby. And I'm not sure, but I THINK she said it was a fake plant. SO, we're batting a thousand here. She then decides to let this keep burning while she goes to pick up her kid at her mom's house. Hilarity ensues. So I get home around, I dunno, 6ish last night and see a fire truck in my parking space. Most the time firetruck=someone had a heart attack, so I figured a neighbor had some kind of medical event. I looked to make sure Julia and the neighbor I don't hate weren't home, and they weren't so I figured, "Cool, nobody I like died." Then I notice that the whorebag's carpet is all pulled out onto the front porch of her house and dripping wet. Uh oh, things start to seem bad. Look, long story short, our apartment was flooded with the water used to put out her damn burning plastic tree...which happily went on to burn her couch, rug, and other asorted goodies. Unfortuantely, it didn't burn her. And unfortunately for the apartment managment, it didn't burn the dildo she left laying around her bedroom. God's honest truth. We spent the night in a hotel, and are leaving tonight for Columbus. Our stuff is mostly ok...a few wet things aside. But it's a horrible nightmare. In the end though, it could have been much, much worse, and in a week, this will be forever behind us. I am just so glad that nobody I love was hurt. It's these stories that remind you how random and stupid life is. Especially when a whore is your upstairs neighbor. She's moving out though :)
Comments:
Oh man, what an awful mess. I'm so glad that you guys are all ok, though. And no more whorey neighbor is about the best that can come out of a situation like that. Always a bright side!
Was the Whore's name Hallie, by any chance?
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Good luck in Columbus. Touch the shrine there is you get the chance. ;) |
